MEMORIAL DAY

Memorial day, memorial day trivia at the bar on my block with neighbors. He had been drinking since 4, I was sober. He touched my leg, I knowingly laughed and put my hand on top like a game. He asked if we were going to make out after, I laughed and said "what? that was bold of you" hoping the humored response would throw him off as much as he had thrown me off. He asked again- are we going to make out. I said, "where is this coming from? we have known eachother for years!" That didn't work either. He touched my leg, I turned as if i wasn't noticing. then he asked what he could do to seduce me I said "no." He said what are you doing after this? I said maybe I'll take a walk, or work on something at home. He said we could walk together. I said okay to get him off my back, knowing it wasn't going to happen. The night ended with me safely in the arms of a friend who did not want to seduce me, and drunk horny friend walking home alone. But I kept thinking about the question he asked- what do I have to do to seduce you? You'd have to be my friend, make me feel safe, let me see something you do that is noble, and maybe even convert to mormonism? I have to know that your goals in life involve, marriage, family, and financial stability. Seduction is a delicate thing, maybe I'm weird, but I'm into that kind of "good guy friends family values trust" thing. Have I lost all romance? have I lost my caution to the wind and experience it all attitude? I think so.

STRANGERS ADVICE

One of my sister's patients lived in New York for 10 years and then moved to Tennessee. They were talking- "People in New York are not interested in dating, they are interested in their careers and are not family oriented. They have different priorities. If your sister wants to get married and have a family she has to leave New York." Oh lovely lady, thank you for your insight, I wish it was that simple.

ONLINE

I'm visiting my loving sister in Alabama right now. Seeing her and her husband makes me want to be in love so bad. So bad in fact that I resurrected my online dating profile.

CONVERSATIONS ON SET

Today the photographer I was working with said, "you know, life is great, but its even better when you have someone to share it with." Like an arrow to my heart I was stopped cold. I know its true, but I don't want to think about it. I don't want to hope for something I have no control over. But do I have control over it? No- my therapist said control is an illusion, and Bro. Christiansen said at Ed week that before you play a duet, you just play the piano alone as best as you can. Thats what I'm doing, I'm playing the piano alone as best I can. Am I playing to an empty room? People keep talking around me about how they are going to leave New York and have families because the quality of life is so much better elsewhere. Do I need to leave New York to find love? It hardly seems fair that I would have to give up my first love NYC, for a possibility that may never come to fruition. Then where would I be? playing to an empty room in some other city not as great as the one I'm in now. I guess what I'm saying is that I would rather be alone here than alone somewhere else. If I found love though, I wouldn't care where I was.

SUPERMOON

I got a dog, don't know if I mentioned that, but she is a darling little daschund and she has completely taken over my life. I was thinking that maybe this is all I need. I could be like a cat lady except with just one dog. All my emotional needs to be loved and to care for something warm and little would be fulfilled. My mood has been better, my mind no longer has the chance to go existential before the puppy looks up at me and melts it all away. But- this Saturday night was the super moon. The full moon that is supposed to be the brightest of the whole year. I felt romantic and open and excited about what could possibly happen with all that cosmic energy swirling around on such a warm night. I was hoping for something more than what that little puppy can give me, I was looking for a MAN. Needless to say nothing happened but I did make some memories involving drinks, a long walk, a Brit, and fried chicken at 3am. It was fantastic and I can't complain. What I'm saying is that I am ready for a date. No supermoon needed, just a good old fashioned date. Is it time to resurrect my OKCupid profile??? Maybe.