EVERY CHRISTMAS ITS THE SAME

My dad just asked me what my boyfriend's name was, in hopes that he would catch me and I would accidentally say it. I had to respond with -
"sorry Dad, no boyfriend."
"I'm never going to have grandkids."
"Sorry, maybe ask one of the other ones."

A WORTHY NOTE

My sister mentioned something to me today. She made an analogy that I quite liked.
"You know when you are at Buffalo Exchange and you are looking at clothes- there is a reason those clothes are there, there is something wrong. Its the same on Millionaire Matchmaker, there is a reason those people are on there." I feel like I am at Buffalo Exchange every time I go to church in Manhattan. The thing is though, I'm there too. All of us Manhattan Singles are on the Island of Misfit Toys.

CANDID CONVO

Last night my sister and I were talking about what do do about finding "the one." Here is the dilemma. We are both really happy where we are with the church, we don't want to go thru the temple, don't want to make those promises that really up the stakes on affecting our eternal fate. We are happy participating in church as it is now. But that does make it extra tricky if we want to find an "eternal companion". Are there any men in the church that feel the way we do? Is anyone else okay with being a sort of middle mormon? Men go on missions, and it seems to seal the deal on being a full fledged follower, and a full fledged follower wants a woman who is the same. Where does that leave us? I don't see myself changing, and if she and I both feel this way, there have to be others that feel this way too. Right?

HOME

I change when I go home for the holidays. When I'm here I feel free to be in love. This feeling manifests itself in random text messages to the men in my life, men that are clear across the country, far out of reach. And I say things I would never say back in NY for fear of the proximity bringing consequence to my doorstep. The holidays are like a free pass to be candid, I get wrapped up in the ooey gooey and as much as I let it take me away, I still am cautious enough not to say anything to anyone that would respond with the same tune. Why? Part of me wishes I could be more like this back in the city, maybe someone WOULD respond with the same tune and it would be awesome...but I'd rather not take the risk of embarrassing myself.
Here is the other thing, when I am in New York I don't feel the need to have tons of kids, but when I'm here, I do. In New York I almost feel guilty at the idea of having children, its like having a pet there. The excuse not to is that they wouldn't have a yard, or space, or time with me so it wouldn't really be fair to the pet....or child. When I'm here I want to fill the space with family. 3 kids isn't enough, it would need to be 4, its just more fun that way. It interests me that based on my environment, based on my space, or proximity, I feel like a different person. The question is which one do I want to be?