Yesterday I presented to a room full of people more powerful than me, more experienced than me, and more wealthy than me. I know didn't use perfect grammar there either but colloquial is me right now. It felt like withstanding a higher temperature, a new level of pressure. I did the thing that I do whenever I stop thinking, I let my instinctive self take over. Its like I'm 13 again and I forget that I'm supposed to be insecure. I forget that I'm supposed to be self deprecating and apologetic. Its just pure instinct with no time to think. I feel like in those moments I am using my truest spirit. Its interesting to see what you're really made of sometimes, the things that are just your blood and have nothing to do with nurture or practice. I guess its like trying a new sport or exercise, it feels just as physical. This job I'm doing is higher pressure than any one I've ever had before. I'm the boss, I commanded a room of people like a director. I felt small, it was so strange. I like it though, its deeper than being in the middle, deeper than being an assistant. I'm still afraid of the burn, I'm afraid of not delivering, not being perfect. But the more others believe in me, the easier it is. I wish my mom could have seen me, it was a "look mom!" moment. I'm too old to be having those, but its not about me really, its about me being hers. It's like she is doing it, the blood is doing it, the family is doing it. What I'm doing is not me, I cannot take credit, I credit my family history, I credit the stars that made me on a molecular level, I credit the ancestors spirits that carry me every day, I credit my privilege.