HARD TO CONNECT - POST MORMON

Not everyone grows up with the weight of eternity on their back. When you do it makes you think and act differently, and it definitely makes you less able to relate to non-mormons. Each time you drink a cup of coffee, you are thinking of God. Every time you talk to a member of the opposite sex, you are thinking of them in the afterlife with you. Every time you wake up on a Sunday, you are thinking of church, God, and repenting for the tardiness that is about to happen when you finally DO get to church. Every move is a stepping stone to where you are going to be in the eternities and that is a lot of pressure!
I'm trying to get over that pressure and move into a more normal mode of thinking. The problem though is that I like the way people are that think about the big picture. There is a connection there that I haven't found with anyone else. Its deeper, clearer, and more intimate. So how do I feel those things with someone, without the connection being through mormonism?

MY PHONE IS FULL OF TEXTS

Tonight I received texts from a gentleman in Utah. Far enough away we are both free to say anything and know we will never have to serve time for it. Here is the thing though, you can only go so far before one person gets vulnerable. If you talk about having children, building a house (big windows, scandinavian, modern, eco friendly) having a tree house, making love, and having an art studio........all the defenses are going to go down. Sorry, that is music to my ears and I no longer have a defense wall for you to bounce your flirts off of. Oh- and then he threw in "I'll give you a massage first." What?! Who are you sir? Every girls dream?
The last time I met this guy he was so forward that I shot him down as soon as he started. Intermittently since then I have received apologies and friendly hellos. Then all of a sudden over the holiday I get this? I am strong, I can fight the scoundrels, but when you bring modern architecture into it......I just....have...no...strength.